Six months

Today, November 8th marked six months since I started My Fitness Pal and changed my life. I had a goal for myself to reach 50lbs lost on MFP by this date. As of the 7th I had .7lbs to lose to make it and I tried really hard to watch what I ate and had a date with miss Jillian Michaels. I didn't think I could do it just because for some reason my loss has been at a stand still for a couple weeks. Well, I weighed in this morning and saw 198.8. I made it to exactly 50lbs lost on MFP by the six month mark. I was shocked! I cannot believe how far I've come in such a short amount of time. I've heard people say "You lose weight faster than you gain it." for years, but I never believed them. Guess they showed me!

I was asked by a friend to talk about how I feel now compared to before I started losing. I have a ton more energy. I'm still tired a lot with working, taking care of the kids, keeping a clean house, and exercising, but believe me, I would not be able to do it all if I was still the size I was. I honestly don't think I could work at the job I have now on my feet all day and squeeze between boxes in the back room and climb ladders. That's something I realized the other day about the ladders. I used to cringe if I had to step on one because I felt like I was going to break it or something and I always checked the weight limits. Now I just hop on up without a care because I know I'm not going to break it. It's always been that way with chairs too. I'd sit very carefully because I didn't want to break them and be embarrassed. I still catch myself easing into them, but not nearly as much as I used to. I still have a long way to go, but little things like these remind me of how much I've changed. Also, I was telling a friend today about how I'd noticed that after I get out of the shower and wrap a towel around myself it overlaps. For years I could barely get it to overlap on the top and it always had a huge gap of an opening the rest of the way. Now my towels overlap 4-5 inches! It's amazing. The little things. :)

One thing I am really struggling with is my self confidence. People have told me recently that I seem more confident in my pictures and they love seeing it. Problem is, I honestly think I am even more self-conscious now than I was before. I feel like I'm up on a pedestal and everyone is expecting so much from me. I know that this is my journey and I really shouldn't care what others think, but I can't help it. I feel like next time I go home everyone will be looking at me and judging my weight loss. Like I won't be good enough. I keep having these dreams about going home and still being fat. I know I'm not skinny right now, but I've come a long way. At least the scale says so. I just wish I could see it. When I compare pictures side by side I can obviously see a difference in my size, but I don't think that I see what everyone else does. I worry that pictures are all about angles and that in real life I'm a let down. I'm trying to get better with these things, but it's hard. I just really don't want to let anyone down.

Anyway...no more whoa is me. My newest short term goals are to be 185 or lower before Christmas, finish the Couch to 5K program by it's intended deadline (week one day three is tomorrow!) and get into a size 14 jeans before the new year. (I'm in a 16 right now) I seem to be doing pretty well with the short term goals, so I'll stick with those for now!

I leave you with a picture of me from November 2011 vs me today at 6 months after my journey began: (I see no big difference in these, but it's a comparison none the less.)