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Friday, November 2, 2012

The girl behind the blog

I'm starting this blog in the middle of my journey. I get asked almost daily why I don't blog and told that I should. The reason I haven't is this, I can't write. I used to be a really great writer when I was in school, but life has taken over and I've been away too long. So if you read this and there are grammatical errors, you're just going to have to deal because you've been warned that they will happen. I promise you they will.

So who am I? This is what I myself am trying to figure out. I'm a wife, I'm a mom of two, a sister, a daughter....those are the obvious. I grew up in the Seattle area with my parents and my two brothers and little sister. My parents were divorced when I was twelve and my mom remarried when I was fifteen. We moved to a suburb of Portland, OR a month before my senior year of high school started. I left everything and everyone I knew at a very crucial time in a teenagers life. At that time I wasn't fat, I was decently active, even went for runs with my mom a couple times a week. I have never been healthy though. Even when I was at my skinniest I had eating issues. The main problem being I never did it. Moving to Oregon caused a great deal of depression. I had nobody around me that I knew and I was finding any and every reason to escape back to Seattle whenever I could. I dropped out of high school and wasn't doing anything. This is when I started to gain weight. After a few months out of school I had a "What the heck are you thinking?!" moment and decided to enroll at a secondary school and finish up. One thing I try not to be in life is a failure and so I did graduate and I am so glad I went back. After I'd been in Oregon a year and a half I got a job working part time at Blockbuster and there I made a lot of really good friends that are still some of the most important people in my life, including my now husband. Now that I had friends and things to do I found myself going out to eat more and going for drives and never walking anywhere. This was my downward spiral.

In June 2003 I started dating my husband and got very comfortable in our relationship. By the time we got married I had gone from 160lbs in 2003 to 235 on my wedding day July 23, 2006. I tried Weight Watchers the fall before the wedding and I did okay on it, but I wasn't mentally prepared for it and I didn't have anyone behind me to cheer me on and keep me accountable. Over the next couple years I went up and down on my weight but never over 258lbs. In October 2008 I got pregnant with our daughter. I was exactly 258. With her pregnancy I ended up having issues with my gallbladder and then developed Pre-Eclampsia in the end of pregnancy that caused rapid weight gain. The day I delivered her in June 2009 I weighed in at a whopping 313lbs. I would have cried had I not known I was giving birth to our baby that day. After I had her the weight fell right off. I was down to 256lbs at my six week postpartum visit. I was so proud but still knew I had work to do. In September 2010 I got pregnant with our son and had not lost anymore weight. During pregnancy I tested positive for Gestational Diabetes. I know this can happen to "skinny" girls as well, but to me it was just another reminder that I was fat. I only told a few people I had it. Not even my extended family really knew about it. When I went in to deliver in June 2011 I weighed in at 271lbs. I was very proud of my low weight gain this time around. I quickly lost all the weight again (thank you breast feeding and diabetes diet!) and was back at my 258.

Fast forward to April 2012. My husband got a new position at work that had us moving from Portland to Austin, TX. We bought a house, he had a job he was happy in, and we had our beautiful kids. Life was good. But it was hot. Very hot. Fat girls and heat do not mix, let me tell ya! I weighed 256.8lbs. The first month we lived here I lost 8lbs.  I like to think the stress of the move and the heat are to thank for that. I wasn't trying, but it was nice to see the number go down. I kept telling myself that I would start going for walks and eating better "soon."It wasn't until May 7th, 2012 that I really decided it was going to have to happen. My husband had a friend visiting us and we went to visit the capitol building downtown. I had him snap a picture of my family in front of the building. We had a great day and had some amazing BBQ for dinner. That night I saw the picture that was taken and it forever changed my life. I cannot believe I let myself get that out of control. I had seen it before and been disgusted but for some reason this one picture just did it for me. I couldn't think of any reason as to why I shouldn't be able to succeed in losing weight. I was the only thing standing in my way all these years. So, on May 8th 2012 I started logging my food into the My Fitness Pal app and watching my calories. Starting weight 248.8 In my first week I lost I believe 5lbs. I struggled with hunger that week. I didn't know what I was doing. Just that it was working. I hit a wall in the end of May and wasn't losing much so I stopped drinking soda. I had only been drinking Diet Coke so no calories, but I knew that the carbonation wasn't good for me.

We flew home to Portland in June for my little sister's graduation from high school and our son's first birthday and I had lost a total of 19lbs since moving in April. It wasn't noticeable. I struggled to find ways to still eat well and stay in my calorie limits while I was there. I was staying at my in laws' house and going out to eat with friends, graduation party, two one year old's birthday parties...there was a lot of temptation. I did well though. I think I lost about 3lbs while we were there those ten days. When we got back I decided to start going for walks and slowly incorporated a little exercise. The month of August I spent twenty minutes of every day (minus I think ten days I missed) doing the 30 Day Shred dvd. It was killer. It helped. I thought I would die after the first few days from the pain, but I kept going and soon found myself craving the workout. Jillian Michaels pushing me was helping me to see just how far I can go. I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was! I still do the dvd from time to time, but not every day.

My newest hurdle is working. I have been a stay-at-home-mom since my daughter was born in June 2009. I started a part time job mid-September and it's made eating a challenge. I have five hour long shifts and sometimes (most times) don't get a break. When I'm working 5-10pm that means no dinner until I get home or I have to eat it at 3:45pm before I leave. I started buying Luna bars at the suggestion of my friend and I eat those either right before I clock on or when I can run in the back and sneak it really quick during my shift. I'm sure as time goes on I'll get better at it and find some way to balance everything. I also need to start getting off my butt more often and working out. Walks are not as fun with the heat still being here in Texas (I got a sunburn yesterday...on NOVEMBER 1st!) but I need to suck it up and go. As for my weight so far....last week on October 27, 2012 I reached under 200lbs for the first time since early 2004! I am currently 199.5. I have lost a total of 57.3lbs since moving in April and 49.3 since starting MFP on May 8th. I am still in shock of what I've done so far and it's completely surreal. I can't wait to see what's to come!

Anyway, this is way longer than I anticipated it being and full of mostly ramble, so that's about it. I'll figure out how to continue later I guess. Hope this makes everyone happy now that I've started! Let me know if you have any ideas of what to write about or questions or whatever. I'll get the hang of this soon!

Here is the picture that started it all:
And pumpkin patch with our son 2011 vs 2012 (199.5lbs taken 10/28/12):


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