I've never been a runner. Ever. I have always hated it. When I was in school and we had cross country units in PE or had to run the mile I was always left on the track because I took too long. I always walked part of it. Never in my life have I run a full mile without stopping. Until yesterday. :)
Yesterday morning I was having a text convo with my friend about running and I said "I have never run a straight mile in my life. Ever. So it'll be quite the day when/if I do." She told me it was all mind and that if I told myself I could do it, I could. So last night after playing with the kids at the park my husband took the kids back home in the car and I decided to run/walk home. Well, I started running and I didn't stop. I had my C25K program running and it told me to warm up, it told me to run, it said to walk....I ignored it. I ran the whole first mile! NO STOPS! Then I rested (walked) for about 15-20 seconds and took off again and finished the .25miles back home running. I cannot believe I was able to do it! Did I want to die? Little bit, but I kept going and I feel like I could have kept going. It's amazing what your body can do when you put your mind to it. Hopefully I really can finish out the C25K program and really run the whole distance within the next couple months. We'll see! For now, I'm happy with my one mile.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
Remember this feeling.
Today was a good day. I lost another .6lbs bringing it to a total of 3.3lbs lost this week. I am now at 194.4lbs. I have been struggling so much with trying to get the scale to go down that it caused a lot of frustration with this whole ordeal. However, today I lost again. And today I had a "moment" of realization of how far I've come. A couple of them actually.
I realized today that a couple months ago I was texting a friend and we were talking about my weight loss and she said I was so small and I made the comment that I was still 216lbs and it felt like it was going to take forever to get to under 200. Now, today I am 22lbs down from that day. It was a completely surreal moment to think about it. This entire process is surreal to me. I never would have thought in a million years (and most days you have to convince me of it!) that I could be where I am today. I'm still a good amount away from where I want to be, but more than once I've been told I look nowhere near the weight that I am. That is a fantastic feeling. The number is a really important thing for me because I'm obsessed with it, but looking and most of all feeling good are what matter most.
Tonight we took the kids to the park and I was climbing all over the structure with them and sliding down the slides with them. Seven months ago when I moved here I could have never done that. I wouldn't have even tried really. I did attempt a slide with my daughter one day but it was super uncomfortable and I could barely get down it because of my size. Now I slide down just for the fun of it and I go just as fast as she does!
After the park we went to the grocery store. This is where my "Remember this feeling" moment comes into play. I was walking through the store with my list and I realized that I felt good being there. That for once I didn't feel like people were looking at me and judging me by what was in my cart. I knew the things I wanted and I strayed from my list a bit but knowing and feeling comfortable about what was good and what wasn't. It was just an awesome moment to realize I finally felt like a normal person should. I used to love going to the grocery store before, but it was because I loved food. I still love food, but in a much different way. I eat a lot less of it and I eat better. I still have ice cream, I still have cookies....I'm not a saint. BUT I know my limits now and I feel like if I wanted to, I could probably do this all okay without tracking it on My Fitness Pal. I won't be stopping anytime soon, but I am feeling more and more confident with myself these days. I just can't wait until I feel comfortable shopping! I still can't do it. I walked into The Loft outlet recently and The GAP outlet and I walked back out because I still felt like people were looking at me like "What is that fat girl doing in here thinking she can fit into these clothes? Is she kidding?!" I am so excited for the days when that goes away. Baby steps. :)
With that I leave you with another comparison photo. Left is right after my birthday somewhere around September 1st or so and the right is from last Saturday November 25th. I don't see a big difference, but I can see some improvement. So fun looking back and seeing little by little how I've changed.
I realized today that a couple months ago I was texting a friend and we were talking about my weight loss and she said I was so small and I made the comment that I was still 216lbs and it felt like it was going to take forever to get to under 200. Now, today I am 22lbs down from that day. It was a completely surreal moment to think about it. This entire process is surreal to me. I never would have thought in a million years (and most days you have to convince me of it!) that I could be where I am today. I'm still a good amount away from where I want to be, but more than once I've been told I look nowhere near the weight that I am. That is a fantastic feeling. The number is a really important thing for me because I'm obsessed with it, but looking and most of all feeling good are what matter most.
Tonight we took the kids to the park and I was climbing all over the structure with them and sliding down the slides with them. Seven months ago when I moved here I could have never done that. I wouldn't have even tried really. I did attempt a slide with my daughter one day but it was super uncomfortable and I could barely get down it because of my size. Now I slide down just for the fun of it and I go just as fast as she does!
After the park we went to the grocery store. This is where my "Remember this feeling" moment comes into play. I was walking through the store with my list and I realized that I felt good being there. That for once I didn't feel like people were looking at me and judging me by what was in my cart. I knew the things I wanted and I strayed from my list a bit but knowing and feeling comfortable about what was good and what wasn't. It was just an awesome moment to realize I finally felt like a normal person should. I used to love going to the grocery store before, but it was because I loved food. I still love food, but in a much different way. I eat a lot less of it and I eat better. I still have ice cream, I still have cookies....I'm not a saint. BUT I know my limits now and I feel like if I wanted to, I could probably do this all okay without tracking it on My Fitness Pal. I won't be stopping anytime soon, but I am feeling more and more confident with myself these days. I just can't wait until I feel comfortable shopping! I still can't do it. I walked into The Loft outlet recently and The GAP outlet and I walked back out because I still felt like people were looking at me like "What is that fat girl doing in here thinking she can fit into these clothes? Is she kidding?!" I am so excited for the days when that goes away. Baby steps. :)
With that I leave you with another comparison photo. Left is right after my birthday somewhere around September 1st or so and the right is from last Saturday November 25th. I don't see a big difference, but I can see some improvement. So fun looking back and seeing little by little how I've changed.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Frustrated.
I'm not losing. I go through this every month and it's really frustrating. I'll go a couple weeks with nothing then suddenly drop 3-5lbs in a week, then nothing again. Now that I've added more exercise into the mix I thought maybe I'd lose more. Guess not. I just feel like I should be losing at least two pounds a week. I've been watching my intake on everything the last few days and trying not to go over on sugar especially. I haven't been over on sugar in four days. Still no loss. Just the .7lbs. I know I should probably just eat more calories especially with exercising, but I don't know how to do it without going over on everything else. I also don't want to eat the calories that I've burned. That makes no sense to me. Why would I do the exercise just to eat more and waste my time? I guess I'll get the hang of it sometime. I'm trying!!
Today I completed week two day one of the C25K. It wasn't the best "run" ever. It was super windy and I swear every time I switched direction it followed me blowing right at me! During the walking intervals I felt like I was going to blow over. Stupid wind. So, it was slow, but at least I did it! Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Supposed to be stormy, so I'm excited. Our forecast is showing high 60s all week for the most part too. YAY! Maybe fall is finally coming to Texas! Fingers crossed. :)
All for now. I leave you with some motivation I read today: 30 minutes is only about 2% of your day. Get out and be active!!
Today I completed week two day one of the C25K. It wasn't the best "run" ever. It was super windy and I swear every time I switched direction it followed me blowing right at me! During the walking intervals I felt like I was going to blow over. Stupid wind. So, it was slow, but at least I did it! Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Supposed to be stormy, so I'm excited. Our forecast is showing high 60s all week for the most part too. YAY! Maybe fall is finally coming to Texas! Fingers crossed. :)
All for now. I leave you with some motivation I read today: 30 minutes is only about 2% of your day. Get out and be active!!
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Six months
Today, November 8th marked six months since I started My Fitness Pal and changed my life. I had a goal for myself to reach 50lbs lost on MFP by this date. As of the 7th I had .7lbs to lose to make it and I tried really hard to watch what I ate and had a date with miss Jillian Michaels. I didn't think I could do it just because for some reason my loss has been at a stand still for a couple weeks. Well, I weighed in this morning and saw 198.8. I made it to exactly 50lbs lost on MFP by the six month mark. I was shocked! I cannot believe how far I've come in such a short amount of time. I've heard people say "You lose weight faster than you gain it." for years, but I never believed them. Guess they showed me!
I was asked by a friend to talk about how I feel now compared to before I started losing. I have a ton more energy. I'm still tired a lot with working, taking care of the kids, keeping a clean house, and exercising, but believe me, I would not be able to do it all if I was still the size I was. I honestly don't think I could work at the job I have now on my feet all day and squeeze between boxes in the back room and climb ladders. That's something I realized the other day about the ladders. I used to cringe if I had to step on one because I felt like I was going to break it or something and I always checked the weight limits. Now I just hop on up without a care because I know I'm not going to break it. It's always been that way with chairs too. I'd sit very carefully because I didn't want to break them and be embarrassed. I still catch myself easing into them, but not nearly as much as I used to. I still have a long way to go, but little things like these remind me of how much I've changed. Also, I was telling a friend today about how I'd noticed that after I get out of the shower and wrap a towel around myself it overlaps. For years I could barely get it to overlap on the top and it always had a huge gap of an opening the rest of the way. Now my towels overlap 4-5 inches! It's amazing. The little things. :)
One thing I am really struggling with is my self confidence. People have told me recently that I seem more confident in my pictures and they love seeing it. Problem is, I honestly think I am even more self-conscious now than I was before. I feel like I'm up on a pedestal and everyone is expecting so much from me. I know that this is my journey and I really shouldn't care what others think, but I can't help it. I feel like next time I go home everyone will be looking at me and judging my weight loss. Like I won't be good enough. I keep having these dreams about going home and still being fat. I know I'm not skinny right now, but I've come a long way. At least the scale says so. I just wish I could see it. When I compare pictures side by side I can obviously see a difference in my size, but I don't think that I see what everyone else does. I worry that pictures are all about angles and that in real life I'm a let down. I'm trying to get better with these things, but it's hard. I just really don't want to let anyone down.
Anyway...no more whoa is me. My newest short term goals are to be 185 or lower before Christmas, finish the Couch to 5K program by it's intended deadline (week one day three is tomorrow!) and get into a size 14 jeans before the new year. (I'm in a 16 right now) I seem to be doing pretty well with the short term goals, so I'll stick with those for now!
I leave you with a picture of me from November 2011 vs me today at 6 months after my journey began: (I see no big difference in these, but it's a comparison none the less.)
I was asked by a friend to talk about how I feel now compared to before I started losing. I have a ton more energy. I'm still tired a lot with working, taking care of the kids, keeping a clean house, and exercising, but believe me, I would not be able to do it all if I was still the size I was. I honestly don't think I could work at the job I have now on my feet all day and squeeze between boxes in the back room and climb ladders. That's something I realized the other day about the ladders. I used to cringe if I had to step on one because I felt like I was going to break it or something and I always checked the weight limits. Now I just hop on up without a care because I know I'm not going to break it. It's always been that way with chairs too. I'd sit very carefully because I didn't want to break them and be embarrassed. I still catch myself easing into them, but not nearly as much as I used to. I still have a long way to go, but little things like these remind me of how much I've changed. Also, I was telling a friend today about how I'd noticed that after I get out of the shower and wrap a towel around myself it overlaps. For years I could barely get it to overlap on the top and it always had a huge gap of an opening the rest of the way. Now my towels overlap 4-5 inches! It's amazing. The little things. :)
One thing I am really struggling with is my self confidence. People have told me recently that I seem more confident in my pictures and they love seeing it. Problem is, I honestly think I am even more self-conscious now than I was before. I feel like I'm up on a pedestal and everyone is expecting so much from me. I know that this is my journey and I really shouldn't care what others think, but I can't help it. I feel like next time I go home everyone will be looking at me and judging my weight loss. Like I won't be good enough. I keep having these dreams about going home and still being fat. I know I'm not skinny right now, but I've come a long way. At least the scale says so. I just wish I could see it. When I compare pictures side by side I can obviously see a difference in my size, but I don't think that I see what everyone else does. I worry that pictures are all about angles and that in real life I'm a let down. I'm trying to get better with these things, but it's hard. I just really don't want to let anyone down.
Anyway...no more whoa is me. My newest short term goals are to be 185 or lower before Christmas, finish the Couch to 5K program by it's intended deadline (week one day three is tomorrow!) and get into a size 14 jeans before the new year. (I'm in a 16 right now) I seem to be doing pretty well with the short term goals, so I'll stick with those for now!
I leave you with a picture of me from November 2011 vs me today at 6 months after my journey began: (I see no big difference in these, but it's a comparison none the less.)
Friday, November 2, 2012
The girl behind the blog
I'm starting this blog in the middle of my journey. I get asked almost daily why I don't blog and told that I should. The reason I haven't is this, I can't write. I used to be a really great writer when I was in school, but life has taken over and I've been away too long. So if you read this and there are grammatical errors, you're just going to have to deal because you've been warned that they will happen. I promise you they will.
So who am I? This is what I myself am trying to figure out. I'm a wife, I'm a mom of two, a sister, a daughter....those are the obvious. I grew up in the Seattle area with my parents and my two brothers and little sister. My parents were divorced when I was twelve and my mom remarried when I was fifteen. We moved to a suburb of Portland, OR a month before my senior year of high school started. I left everything and everyone I knew at a very crucial time in a teenagers life. At that time I wasn't fat, I was decently active, even went for runs with my mom a couple times a week. I have never been healthy though. Even when I was at my skinniest I had eating issues. The main problem being I never did it. Moving to Oregon caused a great deal of depression. I had nobody around me that I knew and I was finding any and every reason to escape back to Seattle whenever I could. I dropped out of high school and wasn't doing anything. This is when I started to gain weight. After a few months out of school I had a "What the heck are you thinking?!" moment and decided to enroll at a secondary school and finish up. One thing I try not to be in life is a failure and so I did graduate and I am so glad I went back. After I'd been in Oregon a year and a half I got a job working part time at Blockbuster and there I made a lot of really good friends that are still some of the most important people in my life, including my now husband. Now that I had friends and things to do I found myself going out to eat more and going for drives and never walking anywhere. This was my downward spiral.
In June 2003 I started dating my husband and got very comfortable in our relationship. By the time we got married I had gone from 160lbs in 2003 to 235 on my wedding day July 23, 2006. I tried Weight Watchers the fall before the wedding and I did okay on it, but I wasn't mentally prepared for it and I didn't have anyone behind me to cheer me on and keep me accountable. Over the next couple years I went up and down on my weight but never over 258lbs. In October 2008 I got pregnant with our daughter. I was exactly 258. With her pregnancy I ended up having issues with my gallbladder and then developed Pre-Eclampsia in the end of pregnancy that caused rapid weight gain. The day I delivered her in June 2009 I weighed in at a whopping 313lbs. I would have cried had I not known I was giving birth to our baby that day. After I had her the weight fell right off. I was down to 256lbs at my six week postpartum visit. I was so proud but still knew I had work to do. In September 2010 I got pregnant with our son and had not lost anymore weight. During pregnancy I tested positive for Gestational Diabetes. I know this can happen to "skinny" girls as well, but to me it was just another reminder that I was fat. I only told a few people I had it. Not even my extended family really knew about it. When I went in to deliver in June 2011 I weighed in at 271lbs. I was very proud of my low weight gain this time around. I quickly lost all the weight again (thank you breast feeding and diabetes diet!) and was back at my 258.
Fast forward to April 2012. My husband got a new position at work that had us moving from Portland to Austin, TX. We bought a house, he had a job he was happy in, and we had our beautiful kids. Life was good. But it was hot. Very hot. Fat girls and heat do not mix, let me tell ya! I weighed 256.8lbs. The first month we lived here I lost 8lbs. I like to think the stress of the move and the heat are to thank for that. I wasn't trying, but it was nice to see the number go down. I kept telling myself that I would start going for walks and eating better "soon."It wasn't until May 7th, 2012 that I really decided it was going to have to happen. My husband had a friend visiting us and we went to visit the capitol building downtown. I had him snap a picture of my family in front of the building. We had a great day and had some amazing BBQ for dinner. That night I saw the picture that was taken and it forever changed my life. I cannot believe I let myself get that out of control. I had seen it before and been disgusted but for some reason this one picture just did it for me. I couldn't think of any reason as to why I shouldn't be able to succeed in losing weight. I was the only thing standing in my way all these years. So, on May 8th 2012 I started logging my food into the My Fitness Pal app and watching my calories. Starting weight 248.8 In my first week I lost I believe 5lbs. I struggled with hunger that week. I didn't know what I was doing. Just that it was working. I hit a wall in the end of May and wasn't losing much so I stopped drinking soda. I had only been drinking Diet Coke so no calories, but I knew that the carbonation wasn't good for me.
We flew home to Portland in June for my little sister's graduation from high school and our son's first birthday and I had lost a total of 19lbs since moving in April. It wasn't noticeable. I struggled to find ways to still eat well and stay in my calorie limits while I was there. I was staying at my in laws' house and going out to eat with friends, graduation party, two one year old's birthday parties...there was a lot of temptation. I did well though. I think I lost about 3lbs while we were there those ten days. When we got back I decided to start going for walks and slowly incorporated a little exercise. The month of August I spent twenty minutes of every day (minus I think ten days I missed) doing the 30 Day Shred dvd. It was killer. It helped. I thought I would die after the first few days from the pain, but I kept going and soon found myself craving the workout. Jillian Michaels pushing me was helping me to see just how far I can go. I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was! I still do the dvd from time to time, but not every day.
My newest hurdle is working. I have been a stay-at-home-mom since my daughter was born in June 2009. I started a part time job mid-September and it's made eating a challenge. I have five hour long shifts and sometimes (most times) don't get a break. When I'm working 5-10pm that means no dinner until I get home or I have to eat it at 3:45pm before I leave. I started buying Luna bars at the suggestion of my friend and I eat those either right before I clock on or when I can run in the back and sneak it really quick during my shift. I'm sure as time goes on I'll get better at it and find some way to balance everything. I also need to start getting off my butt more often and working out. Walks are not as fun with the heat still being here in Texas (I got a sunburn yesterday...on NOVEMBER 1st!) but I need to suck it up and go. As for my weight so far....last week on October 27, 2012 I reached under 200lbs for the first time since early 2004! I am currently 199.5. I have lost a total of 57.3lbs since moving in April and 49.3 since starting MFP on May 8th. I am still in shock of what I've done so far and it's completely surreal. I can't wait to see what's to come!
Anyway, this is way longer than I anticipated it being and full of mostly ramble, so that's about it. I'll figure out how to continue later I guess. Hope this makes everyone happy now that I've started! Let me know if you have any ideas of what to write about or questions or whatever. I'll get the hang of this soon!
Here is the picture that started it all:
So who am I? This is what I myself am trying to figure out. I'm a wife, I'm a mom of two, a sister, a daughter....those are the obvious. I grew up in the Seattle area with my parents and my two brothers and little sister. My parents were divorced when I was twelve and my mom remarried when I was fifteen. We moved to a suburb of Portland, OR a month before my senior year of high school started. I left everything and everyone I knew at a very crucial time in a teenagers life. At that time I wasn't fat, I was decently active, even went for runs with my mom a couple times a week. I have never been healthy though. Even when I was at my skinniest I had eating issues. The main problem being I never did it. Moving to Oregon caused a great deal of depression. I had nobody around me that I knew and I was finding any and every reason to escape back to Seattle whenever I could. I dropped out of high school and wasn't doing anything. This is when I started to gain weight. After a few months out of school I had a "What the heck are you thinking?!" moment and decided to enroll at a secondary school and finish up. One thing I try not to be in life is a failure and so I did graduate and I am so glad I went back. After I'd been in Oregon a year and a half I got a job working part time at Blockbuster and there I made a lot of really good friends that are still some of the most important people in my life, including my now husband. Now that I had friends and things to do I found myself going out to eat more and going for drives and never walking anywhere. This was my downward spiral.
In June 2003 I started dating my husband and got very comfortable in our relationship. By the time we got married I had gone from 160lbs in 2003 to 235 on my wedding day July 23, 2006. I tried Weight Watchers the fall before the wedding and I did okay on it, but I wasn't mentally prepared for it and I didn't have anyone behind me to cheer me on and keep me accountable. Over the next couple years I went up and down on my weight but never over 258lbs. In October 2008 I got pregnant with our daughter. I was exactly 258. With her pregnancy I ended up having issues with my gallbladder and then developed Pre-Eclampsia in the end of pregnancy that caused rapid weight gain. The day I delivered her in June 2009 I weighed in at a whopping 313lbs. I would have cried had I not known I was giving birth to our baby that day. After I had her the weight fell right off. I was down to 256lbs at my six week postpartum visit. I was so proud but still knew I had work to do. In September 2010 I got pregnant with our son and had not lost anymore weight. During pregnancy I tested positive for Gestational Diabetes. I know this can happen to "skinny" girls as well, but to me it was just another reminder that I was fat. I only told a few people I had it. Not even my extended family really knew about it. When I went in to deliver in June 2011 I weighed in at 271lbs. I was very proud of my low weight gain this time around. I quickly lost all the weight again (thank you breast feeding and diabetes diet!) and was back at my 258.
Fast forward to April 2012. My husband got a new position at work that had us moving from Portland to Austin, TX. We bought a house, he had a job he was happy in, and we had our beautiful kids. Life was good. But it was hot. Very hot. Fat girls and heat do not mix, let me tell ya! I weighed 256.8lbs. The first month we lived here I lost 8lbs. I like to think the stress of the move and the heat are to thank for that. I wasn't trying, but it was nice to see the number go down. I kept telling myself that I would start going for walks and eating better "soon."It wasn't until May 7th, 2012 that I really decided it was going to have to happen. My husband had a friend visiting us and we went to visit the capitol building downtown. I had him snap a picture of my family in front of the building. We had a great day and had some amazing BBQ for dinner. That night I saw the picture that was taken and it forever changed my life. I cannot believe I let myself get that out of control. I had seen it before and been disgusted but for some reason this one picture just did it for me. I couldn't think of any reason as to why I shouldn't be able to succeed in losing weight. I was the only thing standing in my way all these years. So, on May 8th 2012 I started logging my food into the My Fitness Pal app and watching my calories. Starting weight 248.8 In my first week I lost I believe 5lbs. I struggled with hunger that week. I didn't know what I was doing. Just that it was working. I hit a wall in the end of May and wasn't losing much so I stopped drinking soda. I had only been drinking Diet Coke so no calories, but I knew that the carbonation wasn't good for me.
We flew home to Portland in June for my little sister's graduation from high school and our son's first birthday and I had lost a total of 19lbs since moving in April. It wasn't noticeable. I struggled to find ways to still eat well and stay in my calorie limits while I was there. I was staying at my in laws' house and going out to eat with friends, graduation party, two one year old's birthday parties...there was a lot of temptation. I did well though. I think I lost about 3lbs while we were there those ten days. When we got back I decided to start going for walks and slowly incorporated a little exercise. The month of August I spent twenty minutes of every day (minus I think ten days I missed) doing the 30 Day Shred dvd. It was killer. It helped. I thought I would die after the first few days from the pain, but I kept going and soon found myself craving the workout. Jillian Michaels pushing me was helping me to see just how far I can go. I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was! I still do the dvd from time to time, but not every day.
My newest hurdle is working. I have been a stay-at-home-mom since my daughter was born in June 2009. I started a part time job mid-September and it's made eating a challenge. I have five hour long shifts and sometimes (most times) don't get a break. When I'm working 5-10pm that means no dinner until I get home or I have to eat it at 3:45pm before I leave. I started buying Luna bars at the suggestion of my friend and I eat those either right before I clock on or when I can run in the back and sneak it really quick during my shift. I'm sure as time goes on I'll get better at it and find some way to balance everything. I also need to start getting off my butt more often and working out. Walks are not as fun with the heat still being here in Texas (I got a sunburn yesterday...on NOVEMBER 1st!) but I need to suck it up and go. As for my weight so far....last week on October 27, 2012 I reached under 200lbs for the first time since early 2004! I am currently 199.5. I have lost a total of 57.3lbs since moving in April and 49.3 since starting MFP on May 8th. I am still in shock of what I've done so far and it's completely surreal. I can't wait to see what's to come!
Anyway, this is way longer than I anticipated it being and full of mostly ramble, so that's about it. I'll figure out how to continue later I guess. Hope this makes everyone happy now that I've started! Let me know if you have any ideas of what to write about or questions or whatever. I'll get the hang of this soon!
Here is the picture that started it all:
And pumpkin patch with our son 2011 vs 2012 (199.5lbs taken 10/28/12):
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